Being Who I Am by Forgiving Who I Am Not

Un-forgiveness is first and foremost an unloving transgression against my own being. How do I un-lovingly transgress? Let me count the ways ….....

"Resentment has been compared to holding on to a burning ember with the intention of throwing it at another, all the while burning yourself. When we feel resentful, we feel strongly the pain of the past again and again. Not only does this take an obvious and dramatic toll on our emotional well-being, it can powerfully and negatively impact our physical well-being as well." - Robin Casarjian "When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness. Our enemies would dance with joy if only they knew how they were worrying us, lacerating us, and getting even with us! Our hate is not hurting them at all, but our hate is turning our own days and nights into a hellish turmoil." - Dale Carnegie "If I don't forgive you, and 1 hold some kind of resentment or grudge inside of me, it's not going to bother you. You'll go right on with your life, but I'll be suffering. I'll have backaches, nervous tension, or disease from the festering sore of this un-forgiveness of you in me. My attitude about that is that it's not worth that much to me. 1 won't give a person free rent in my mind when I don't even like that person." - Della Reese

These witnesses, and many others, attest to the fact that un-forgiveness is a grievous self-transgression, simply because it exists entirely in me, where it negates my own well-being far more than it impacts those for whom it is intended.

The toxic effects of un-forgiveness on my body/mind systems are clinically documented as well.

 Un-forgiveness

- distresses my central nervous system;
- stresses my circulatory system;
- stresses my muscular-skeletal system;
- stresses my glandular (endocrine and lymphatic) systems;
- depresses my immune system

Un-forgiveness distresses my central nervous system by harboring such feelings as irritability, nervousness, anxiety, hostility, anger, resentment and depression. Its distress constricts my heart rate's variability, a crucial measure of nervous system health, as well as my cardiovascular system's flexibility. It also disrupts the harmony of my brain waves, making me less able to think clearly and to make good decisions.

In addition to fostering cardiovascular inflexibility, un-forgiveness distresses my circulatory system by increasing blood pressure, heart rate and arterial wall pressure.
Un-forgiveness distresses my muscular-skeletal system by increasing forehead muscle tension, thereby producing headaches, and by also producing other symptoms: stomach aches, muscle and joint aches, dizziness, and tiredness.

Un-forgiveness distresses my glandular system via unproductive adrenaline rushes in support of fight or flight responses. When neither of these responses occurs to utilize this energy boost, it dissipates by agitating my other body systems.

As my un-forgiveness invokes all of the foregoing mental, emotional and physical strain, it simultaneously depresses the ability of my immune system to ward off both acute and chronic disease. As the foregoing experiential and clinical data clearly indicate, un-forgiveness is indeed an egregious self-transgression. Therefore, I need not seek for whom my un-forgiveness tolls, it takes its toll on me.

"Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. Its the way it is  . The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.” Virginia Satir.
Jean Paul Sartre once asserted, "Hell is other people." The above witnesses and clinical evidence instead indicate that hell is what I make for myself by my un-forgiveness of other people. The dynamic of my hellaciously self-negating de-creativity is described by yet another witness:

"The adversary is not the person or situation that stands before you, but your reaction to or feeling about it." - Eric Butterworth
Un-forgiveness is far more intimately related to my own self-transgression than it is to the transgressions of others upon me, or by me upon them. My condemnation of others far more negates my own well-being than theirs, because it takes place within me rather than within the ones I presume to condemn. Such is the generic wisdom underlying Jesus' well-known commentary on judgment: "Be ye not against another, lest ye be against yourself."

It is rightly said, therefore, that my un-forgiveness burns my bridges before me. The deepest transgression of my un-forgiveness results from my denial of self-dominion as I negate my own causal power in belief that someone else has such power over me.

My hopes and expectations are so integral to my caring about what happens to myself and to others that I cannot exist without them, even though they are simultaneously integral to much of what makes my life difficult. Blame is but the expression of disappointment at my own and others' failure to meet my expectations. Yet no matter whom my blame is for, it is first and foremost an attack upon myself. The remedy for this is to live blamelessly with my hopes and expectations.

I harbor hurtful un-forgiveness in order to inflict its pain on those who have thwarted my hopes and expectations. Yet because the harbor of my every anguish is within, I totally confound that purpose. No amount of effort by me to transplant my pain to others can succeed in so doing. As long as my experience of un-forgiveness is sustained by my body/mind's systems and not by theirs, I can no more offload my pain onto them than I can upload myself by tugging at my feet. Both endeavors are equally futile. Blame is the fire with which I burn my bridge to a less painful future.

Why forgive? Why live blamelessly with my hopes and expectations?

  The answer to these questions is also to be found in the clinical data, which indicate that forgiveness reduces the stressing of my body/mind systems, increases my vitality overall and thereby facilitates a longer life with fewer illnesses. In addition, my own experience confirms this. I have been unforgiving, and I have been forgiving. Forgiving is better.
Some say that the most forgiving practice is to surrender to one's circumstances, i.e., to "go with the flow." Yet going with the flow, as commonly practiced, tends to result in floating. Truly going with the flow is the art of unconditional outward surrender, the uncompromised harmonization of one's own energy with the personal and/or situational energies that one encounters from without.

An even more forgiving practice is that of being the flow, the art of unconditional inward surrender that follows the path of uncompromised self-dominion: going as the flow, living from the inner harmony of my own being regardless of my outer circumstances.

Be, as water is, without friction. Flow around the edges of those within your path. Surround within your ever-moving depths those who come to rest there - enfold them, while never for a moment holding on. Accept whatever distance others are moved within your flow. Be with them gently as far as they allow your strength to take them, and fill with your own being the remaining space when they are left behind.

When dropping down life's rapids, froth and bubble into fragments if you must, knowing that the one of you now, many will just as many times be one again. And when you've gone as far as you can go, quietly await your next beginning.

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